101 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts
by phix27
Summary: 101 things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts anymore!  Some are funny, some are... let's go with weird, shall we?  Chapter 2 up!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so this is my first try at these… list thingies. But here goes.

Disclaimer: I don't own….. J.K.Rowling's mind. lol Oh, or Harry Potter.

**101 Things I am not Allowed to do at Hogwarts Anymore**

By: PHIX27!!!!!!!!

Walk around suspiciously, humming the "Mission Impossible" song.

Walk really _really_ slow when everyone is trying to get to class on time.

Give Peeves a paintball gun.

Insist that Voldemort is just in need of a hug. Then proceed to hug everyone in site.

Wear my Death Eater T-shirt.

Wear a Dementor costume just to scare Potter.

Walk up the Flitch and say "I think we've got a Code 3 in the West corridor," and see what he does.

Tell Snape that grease went out with the '60's.

When walking into any store in Hogsmeade and yelling as loud as you can "Who BUYS this junk anyway?"

Do number 9 in a jewelry store.

Ride a broom around the school and say you were just taking it for a 'test drive'.

Make the door play polka music whenever Snape enters the room.

Go up to random people and say "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See who plays along.

Get one of those motor cars and ride them around.

Try to play bumper cars with brooms.

Place a mannequin that looks like you in class, just to see how many people think it's really you.

Leave messages on the wall in ketchup.

Challenge other students to a duel, then cry when you lose and tattle on them to a teacher.

Insist that Dumbledore should install automatic doors.

Follow people around the school, always staying about five feet away.

Play soccer with a group of friends, using the whole school as your playing field.

As the professors demonstrate the spells, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

Set up a tent for Care of Magical Creatures and say you are trying to understand nature.

Ask other students if they have had a nose job. If not, say, "Um… this is awkward."

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around yelling, "…I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

TP the Great Hall.

Throw paper balls at random students.

When a professor asks if you need help, cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

Make up nonsense products, then ask if there are any in stock.

Take up an entire corridor by setting up a full scale battlefield of action figures of the Good Guys and Bad Guys (i.e. Harry and Voldemort)

Take bets on the battle in number 30.

Hold races on brooms throughout the school.

Run up to a professor (preferably male) while squeezing your legs together and yelling "I need some tampons!!"

Say everything in Pig Latin.

Say everything in Gibberish.

Sing 'White and Nerdy' when Snape enters the room.

Declare a national 'Hug a Slytherin' day.

Call Dumbledore 'Santa'.

Turn in a paper written on Post-it notes.

Smoke a pipe and whenever your Professor gives a lesson, smoke it and say 'Quite Right Ol' Bean!'

Introduce yourself to the class as 'the master of the pan flute'.

Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes ask the professor to speak louder.

Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip   
the pages out of your textbook.

Sing your questions.

When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE!  
Oh, no, sorry."

Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.

Hold up a piece of parchment with large letters on it that says 'CHECK YOUR FLY!!!'

Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.

Shout 'WOW!' after every sentence your professor says.

Bring a 'seeing eye rooster' to class. Act like it's normal.

The next chappie will be up soon!!!!!!!!!!! 51-101!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Harry Potter I don't own. Some of these I do.

A/N: Here's 51-101!!!!!!! I'd also like to thank my friends on MM for some of these wonderful ideas! Devi, Sirens, Walden, James, Sirius and Silvia! Kisses to everyone!

**101 Things I am not Allowed to do at Hogwarts Anymore**

By: Phixxxxxxxxxxxxy!!!!!!

51. Start 'the wave' in class.

52. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.

53. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

54. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

55. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"

56. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.

57. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5"  
at the top, and start passing it around the room.

58. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

59. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.

60. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".

61. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"

62. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.

63. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.

64. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.

65. I will not refer to Gryffindor as the Weasley dumping grounds.

66. I will stop asking Mad Eye Moody where his parrot is, nor will I continue calling him pirate.

67. I will not tell purebloods that muggle cameras imprison souls.

68. I will stop asking Snape how he keeps his robes billowy.

69. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for an indefinite period of time" funny in any sense of the word.

70. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice.

71. I am not allowed to prophecy the end of the world more than once.

72. I am not allowed to play poker with Tarot cards--last time, I got a royal flush and the Dark Lord returned.

73. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

74. No matter how good of a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class

75. Starting a betting pool on the fate of the DADA professor is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept

76. I am not, and will never be, the Last Airbender. And I should stop pretending so.

77. I will not sell Draco Malfoy's underwear on Ebay to fangirls (nor will I sell Harry's)

78. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write: "Told you I was hardcore"

79. I won't let house-elves fan me, no matter how hot I am.

80. I will not use silencing charms on my professors.

81. I will not follow potions instructions backwards just to see what will happen.

82. I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand.

83. When fighting the Death Eater in the annual June battle of Good vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and yell "There can only be ONE!"

84. I will not put books of muggle fairy-tales in the history section of the library.

85. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".  
86. I will not use first year Slytherins and Gryffindors as Christmas lights.

87. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.

88. Bringing fortune cookies to Divinations class does not count as extra credit.

89. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

90. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

91. "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell.

92. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

93. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

94. "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

95. Its not necessary fro me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

96. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

97. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

98. It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

99. When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

100. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

**AND FINALLY, NUMBER 101…**

101. I shall not do all of the things mentioned in one day. My professors simply can't take it.


End file.
